PADD and autocorrect
by Kayleigh-talitha
Summary: Just little snippets as the crew sends messages through their PADD and encounter a new feature, the autocorrect.
1. Chapter 1

**Jim:** Staff meeting in fifteen Bones, don't forget.

**McCoy:** I'm coming, just fingering this last patient.

**Jim:** I really didn't want to know that.

**McCoy:** Oh dammit, fingering.

**McCoy:** Fingering!

**McCoy:** Mind telling me why we have this technology again? FINISHing.

**Jim:** I'm sure your patient is in good hands.

**McCoy:** Shut up Jim.


	2. Chapter 2

**Jim:** How's the progress coming Spock?

**Spock:** I am working vagina with minimal visible evidence Captain.

**Jim:** … Spock, perhaps you should reread that. Though if it's true I think we need to have a talk about the birds and the bees in detail.

**Spock:** My apologies Captain, I did not type that, it seems to have corrected itself without my permission. I meant to type vagina.

**Jim:** I think you have used that word far too often, which makes me wonder who you have been texting with.

**Spock:** I do not understand why it fails to type what I desire.

**Jim:** I think it's clear what you desire.

**Spock:** Perhaps it would be wise to talk in person. I am on my way.


	3. Chapter 3

**Jim:** I'm getting dick, I can feel it. It's bad timing to get dick right now.

**Bones:** I'll say Jim, you're on the Bridge.

**Jim:** What? No…I mean dick!

**Jim:** Sick!

**Bones: **If you're getting sick you better get down here or I'll oil you up.

**Jim:** Is that to sick or dick?

**Bones:** Pick you up…Damnit Jim, stop sending me things, goddamn autocorrect.


	4. Chapter 4

**Bones:** Can I use your colored penis? I need it for a birthday present.

**Jim:** It would make an interesting present but I'm sure it's against regulations to pimp me out.

**Bones**: No! No! Pencils! Colored pencils!

**Jim:** Yes my colored penis would love to lend you some pencils.

**Bones:** You sick bastard.


	5. Chapter 5

**McCoy****:** I just got woken up by an alarm cock, did you do that Jim?

**Jim:**….Excuse me?

**McCoy**: Noooo! CLOCK. Clock dammit!

**Jim:** Freudian slip hmmm Bones?

**McCoy**: Gimme a break, I just woke up. And it IS your alarm CLOCK.

**Jim**: I set it early to make sure you'd be aroused in sickbay on time.

**McCoy**: …you want me aroused in sickbay? Now Jim, we /do/ have health protocols in there….

**Jim:** AROUND! Who put autocorrect on PADDs?


	6. Chapter 6

**Kirk:** I was told you managed to get some provisons for fresh dinner. What are you making?

**McCoy:** Andorian rice with ground beef and your cream.

**Kirk:** I don't think I want to be part of your fresh ingredients Bones.

**McCoy:** SOUR cream, damnit.


	7. Chapter 7

**Kirk:** We need to move out soon.

**Sulu**: Yes Sir, we have forced them to ejaculate at last, it was a mess.

**Kirk**: I'll bet Mister Sulu, it's what happens when you do that.

**Sulu:** I'm so sorry Sir, I meant evacuate.

**Kirk:** I do not want to know how your autocorrect has ejaculate stored in its memory.


	8. Chapter 8

**Spock:** I cannot seem to locate you Jim.

**Kirk:** I'm about to lick myself in my ready room.

**Spock:** I do not think it is anatomically possible for you to succeed in that though I do believe the human responce would be: Good luck Sir.

**Kirk:** Lock, I meant lock, I need to write that report. Oh and Spock, I don't believe in the no-win scenario.

**Spock:** Duly noted Jim.


	9. Chapter 9

**McCoy: **The Ambassador will be up on the Bridge shortly 8======D

**Chekov: **…. Why you sending me a penis?

**McCoy:** I ain't sending you a penis, it's an alien smiley face

**Chekov:** It's not doctor McCoy, it's a penis. Who told you that?

**McCoy:** I'm guessing this: 8=====D {()} isn't an alien beaming onto the ship either?

**Chekov:** …XD, no

**McCoy:** I'm going to kill Jim, I've send that to Spock of all people


	10. Chapter 10

**Spock:** I shall come by shortly, I trust the Captain is well now?

**McCoy:** He's alright now; I had to inject him with an Epic Penis

**Spock:** I do not think having a bad reaction meant that doctor McCoy.

**McCoy:** Oh for Christ's sake, EPI PEN

**Spock:** Thank you for clearing that up.


	11. Chapter 11

**Scotty:** I need more willy

**Sulu:** Who is Willy and why do you need him?

**Scotty**: Beg yer pardon?

**Sulu:** You need more willy

**Scotty:** Why on earth do I need a willy? Are ya flirting with me lad? I ain't that kind of man

**Sulu**: Please reread what you first send me

**Scotty**: I meant ta type whiskey, sorry lad


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapel:** I was looking for you but you weren't at your station

**Uhura:** Sorry sugar, had to blow my boss

**Chapel**: The Captain makes you do that?!

**Uhura:** I think it's only polite instead of sitting there and let it dribble down

**Uhura:** Oh no no no no, my nose! I didn't do THAT to the Captain

**Chapel**: You'd be one of the few


End file.
